“Don’t let your past define you.” It is a sentence we read on posters and in captions, and I understand the intention behind it. But for me personally, it only works if I do not skip a step.
I recently came across a conversation with Dr. Joe Dispenza that made me think about this again. I want to share what he says, and then where I stand myself… because I do not want to hand you a quick fix. I want to be honest about both sides.
What Dr. Joe Dispenza says
In the conversation that inspired this post, he says that true change requires overcoming the emotional conditioning of the past, rather than going over it again and again. The main ideas, as I understand them:
- Insight alone is not enough. Understanding why you behave the way you do does not, on its own, change your emotional state. He says people sometimes use that understanding to excuse their present behavior.
- The past is stored in the body. He describes trauma as an emotional memory in the body, not only in the mind. By retelling the same story, he says, you keep firing and wiring the same circuits.
- Lower the volume of the emotion. Instead of reviewing the past, he suggests sitting with the uncomfortable emotion, in meditation, without acting on it.
- The charge becomes wisdom. When a memory loses its emotional charge, he says, it becomes wisdom, and the energy that was locked in the past is free again.
- Forgiveness as a side effect. You do not have to force it. As the emotions quiet down, the need to hold a grudge fades by itself.
I am sharing his ideas as he describes them, not as proven facts. Whatever you think of his approach, there is something in it I find worth taking seriously.
Where I stand
For me, there is a step that must come first: giving the experience from my past recognition. It happened. And I want to say out loud how terrible it must have been for the child who lived through it.
I do not want to deny that, and I do not want to cover it with a positive thought. That is what people call spiritual bypassing: using spiritual ideas to skip over the pain. A sentence like “let it go” can sound light and wise, and still be a way of not looking.
I do not read this as a contradiction with what Dr. Joe Dispenza says. Lowering the volume of an emotion is not the same as pretending it was never there. For me, recognition comes first, and then I can work with it… and give it a healthy place in my life, where it can serve me instead of ruling me.
What I am exploring
Nothing complicated, and nothing I claim works for everyone:
- Acknowledge it. Say to yourself: this happened, and it was hard. Especially for the child I was.
- Feel it without feeding it. Stay with the emotion for a moment, without acting on it and without retelling the whole story.
- Ask what it gave me. Not to call it a gift, but to see what I learned, what I understand now, and how that can serve me.
If your past is very heavy, you do not have to do this alone. There is more than one way to walk this path. Some people begin with talk therapy or counseling. Others find that the body needs to be part of it, and look for body-based approaches such as somatic therapy, TRE (Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises), breathwork, trauma-sensitive yoga or bodywork like massage. Others turn to energy work. Some people combine several.
Whatever you choose, you should feel at home with the person who guides you. Let your intuition work: if something does not feel right, trust that. And listen to what your body tells you during the session. Always keep your boundaries, in therapy too. You are allowed to pause, to say no, to ask questions, or to look for someone else. None of this replaces professional care when you need it; it is simply good to know that there are many doors, and that asking for help is a strength.
